Individuals: As a Mediator and Certified Practitioner of Internal Family Systems (IFS), I work with individuals struggling in their relationships with themselves and/or others. Using IFS parts work and other techniques, I support my clients in improving communication and integration, exploring their feelings, impulses, and experiences, and setting the stage for repair, healing and growth.

Partners and couples: I support couples and romantic partners in having open conversations around patterns of conflict and communication, sex and intimacy, racial difference, infidelity, parenting, drug use, as well as divorce, separation, and negotiation of child custody and other agreements. Beginning with building safety and consent, I work with couples to slow down and get curious about their dynamics and reactions and practice new ways of communicating and relating to each other.

Families and small groups: I work with families and other groups who are experiencing conflict and breakdowns in communication. Using a combination of one-on-one and group sessions I work with family members and groups to improve communication, build a shared space for having difficult conversations, and work together to build healthy and mutually supportive relationships.

Trainings and workshops: I develop trainings and workshops for community groups working on conflict management, healing and repair, as well as organizational development and planning.

To schedule a free consult please fill out the contact form or reach out directly by email at builtsteady@gmail.

My husband and I had the privilege of working with Tauno Bilsted for eight months, and I can honestly say it was one of the most transformative experiences of our relationship. As therapists ourselves, we came to couples counseling with high expectations and a discerning eye—and Tauno exceeded them in every way. He is an extraordinary counselor whose compassion, gentleness, and expert guidance created the foundation for profound healing and growth in our marriage.

From our very first session, Tauno established a safe, nurturing space where we could explore even the most difficult topics without fear of judgment. His tremendous knowledge of conflict resolution and Internal Family Systems (IFS) provided us with powerful tools and frameworks that we continue to use in our relationship today. Even with our professional backgrounds, we were consistently impressed by his skill, depth of knowledge, and masterful application of therapeutic techniques. He has a rare gift for guiding couples through courageous conversations with skill and sensitivity, helping us navigate challenging terrain with care and wisdom.

What sets Tauno apart is his ability to be fully present with each session. He listens intently, truly hearing not just our words but the deeper emotions and needs beneath them. His constructive feedback is offered in such a thoughtful, compassionate way that we were able to receive it openly without becoming defensive—a testament to his deep understanding of human dynamics and his genuine respect for each person's process.

We are forever grateful for our time with Tauno. I highly recommend him to  anyone who truly wants to change and deepen their relationship with their partner. If you're seeking a counselor who combines expertise with heart, presence with skill, and wisdom with compassion, Tauno Bilsted is a true gem.

Nadine Lucas, CAGS, LMHC, RPT

IFS Level 2 Clinician

The work that my family did with Tauno had a very positive impact. I worked with my youngest daughter, my older daughter, and my husband in different permutations. Sometimes a triad, a duo or all of us. The work gave us a way to talk about difficult things, old patterns of behavior and to recognize and practice how to communicate more directly. We discussed our expectations and how important it is to communicate them to each other.

Tauno, I think, above all brings kindness and empathy to the work he does. He is a great listener/observer, and made it possible for each of us to feel heard and seen. And to see and hear each other.

What I tell people about the work that we did with Tauno is that each member of the family felt safe with him, and that we all appreciated his approach a great deal. No easy trick with four different personalities!

Kate M

My organization was having a lot of internal conflict. We had a very contentious election with a lot of name calling and smearing and we did not know what to do to move forward. As a “Hail Mary,” I reached out to the NY Peace Institute at the last minute and to my surprise, Tauno responded and offered his mediation services for our next meeting. Tauno facilitated our meeting, kept order and guided conversation. I found it incredibly helpful for him to be there and it took a lot of weight off my shoulders since I usually lead the meetings. 

Sarinya Srisakul

President

United Women Firefighters

Tauno mediated a conflict for us that was over 20 years old.  There was a high level of mistrust and hostility between the two sides, after all this time.  Tauno successfully navigated us through the process with a final resolution that allows us to move forward with a shared desire for the financial health of both organizations.

Linda Levy

Chief Executive Officer

Lower East Side People’s Federal Credit Union

We reached out to Tauno to help us improve our conflict resolution skills and to equip our team with techniques and strategies for running productive meetings. Tauno spent a good deal of time before our training session listening to staff members concerns, and tailoring a program that met our needs. He is an excellent listener and skilled at drawing out critical issues and asking the kinds of questions that lead to productive discussions. The training program he prepared covered skills and techniques, such as active listening, as well as a review of best practices for meeting facilitation. All the participants felt that they learned a great deal during the training, and one month later continued to incorporate aspects of the training into their work. Most of the participants had years of experience in running community engagement sessions, but benefitted as much as some of the newer members of the team. We hope to work with Tauno again to further explore some of the core issues in our work, and we would highly recommend him to other non-profits or community groups looking to improve their facilitation skills.

Maddalena Polletta

Trust for Public Land
NYC Playgrounds Program

I sought out Tauno after wrestling with a tangle of urgent interpersonal issues that needed immediate action. I was confronting long standing history with a collective. The group has numerous reinforcing issues that have sedimented into an impenetrable morass. Tauno’s facility as an engaged, nonjudgmental listener provided the space for me to parse the sticky issues that had become overwhelming and unmanageable. With tremendous calm and patience, Tauno carefully detangled knot after knot until we could look at the separate issues individually.

Free of judgment and without an agenda, Tauno helped me to distinguish needs from fears - and most importantly - identify the difficult places where the two overlapped /conflicted.

Tauno’s skillful listening and thoughtful questioning created a guided and supported space in which I found clarity and decisiveness. He helped me align my conflicting thoughts and feelings and in the process recover my agency in a fraught situation.

Suzanne Goldenberg,

Artist/Educator