A Certified Practitioner of Internal Family Systems (IFS), and mediator, I often work with individuals who are struggling in their relationships with themselves and others, whether family, friendship, work, or community. Using IFS parts work and other techniques, I support my clients in exploring their feelings, impulses, and experiences, and plan for growth. I enjoy working to increase self-regulation and ease with individuals managing anxiety and depression, ADD and other attention issues, bipolar, rumination, substance use and addictions, and gender and sexuality issues.

I support couples and romantic partners in having open conversations around patterns of conflict and communication, sex and intimacy, racial difference, infidelity, parenting, drug use and other issues. Using techniques drawn from mediation and IFIO - the IFS approach to couples work - I work with couples to slow down and get curious about their dynamics and reactions and practice new ways of communicating and relating to each other. I also work with couples in the process of divorce, separation, and negotiation of child custody and other agreements.

I work with families and other groups who are experiencing conflict and breakdowns in communication. Using a combination of one-on-one and group sessions I work with family members and groups to improve communication, build a safe space for having difficult conversations, and work together to build healthy and mutually supportive relationships.

I also develop trainings and workshops for community groups working on conflict management, healing and repair, as well as organizational development and planning.

To ask questions or schedule a free consult please fill out the contact form or reach out directly by email at builtsteady@gmail.

In the world of cooperatives, social enterprise and social justice, it is necessary to have a skilled mediator that is familiar with non-hierarchical and complex organizational systems. Luckily Tauno Bilsted is an asset in our community. We hired him to help us overcome some challenges we were having with our group dynamics and he was critical in helping us to identify the problems and transform our organizational practices. Because Tauno has a breath of experience in the cooperative, non-profit and social services sectors, he knows how to ask the right questions, listen and guide the process in an intentional way designed for your particular circumstances. To this day, whenever we hit one of those old roadblocks again, we regularly reference the insight Tauno imparted during our mediation session that helped us to change our bad habits and heal.

- Lauren Melodia, General Manager

Milk Not Jails

The work that my family did with Tauno had a very positive impact. I worked with my youngest daughter, my older daughter, and my husband in different permutations. Sometimes a triad, a duo or all of us. The work gave us a way to talk about difficult things, old patterns of behavior and to recognize and practice how to communicate more directly. We discussed our expectations and how important it is to communicate them to each other.

Tauno, I think, above all brings kindness and empathy to the work he does. He is a great listener/observer, and made it possible for each of us to feel heard and seen. And to see and hear each other.

What I tell people about the work that we did with Tauno is that each member of the family felt safe with him, and that we all appreciated his approach a great deal. No easy trick with four different personalities!

Kate M

My organization was having a lot of internal conflict. We had a very contentious election with a lot of name calling and smearing and we did not know what to do to move forward. As a “Hail Mary,” I reached out to the NY Peace Institute at the last minute and to my surprise, Tauno responded and offered his mediation services for our next meeting. Tauno facilitated our meeting, kept order and guided conversation. I found it incredibly helpful for him to be there and it took a lot of weight off my shoulders since I usually lead the meetings. 

Sarinya Srisakul

President

United Women Firefighters

Tauno mediated a conflict for us that was over 20 years old.  There was a high level of mistrust and hostility between the two sides, after all this time.  Tauno successfully navigated us through the process with a final resolution that allows us to move forward with a shared desire for the financial health of both organizations.

Linda Levy

Chief Executive Officer

Lower East Side People’s Federal Credit Union

We reached out to Tauno to help us improve our conflict resolution skills and to equip our team with techniques and strategies for running productive meetings. Tauno spent a good deal of time before our training session listening to staff members concerns, and tailoring a program that met our needs. He is an excellent listener and skilled at drawing out critical issues and asking the kinds of questions that lead to productive discussions. The training program he prepared covered skills and techniques, such as active listening, as well as a review of best practices for meeting facilitation. All the participants felt that they learned a great deal during the training, and one month later continued to incorporate aspects of the training into their work. Most of the participants had years of experience in running community engagement sessions, but benefitted as much as some of the newer members of the team. We hope to work with Tauno again to further explore some of the core issues in our work, and we would highly recommend him to other non-profits or community groups looking to improve their facilitation skills.

Maddalena Polletta

Trust for Public Land
NYC Playgrounds Program

I sought out Tauno after wrestling with a tangle of urgent interpersonal issues that needed immediate action. I was confronting long standing history with a collective. The group has numerous reinforcing issues that have sedimented into an impenetrable morass. Tauno’s facility as an engaged, nonjudgmental listener provided the space for me to parse the sticky issues that had become overwhelming and unmanageable. With tremendous calm and patience, Tauno carefully detangled knot after knot until we could look at the separate issues individually.

Free of judgment and without an agenda, Tauno helped me to distinguish needs from fears - and most importantly - identify the difficult places where the two overlapped /conflicted.

Tauno’s skillful listening and thoughtful questioning created a guided and supported space in which I found clarity and decisiveness. He helped me align my conflicting thoughts and feelings and in the process recover my agency in a fraught situation.

Suzanne Goldenberg,

Artist/Educator